With Tired Souls
by Skinny P. Sawyer
Summary: A Leyton perspective of episode 3x16. First chapter follows the events of the episode. After, it will be a Leyton story of what I think could've happened.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own any recognizable content from One Tree Hill _

_**author note**__: this is a Leyton version of episode 3x16. I wasn't sure if I should make it a long story or just a one shot, so I'm posting this chapter as if it could be either. This chapter basically follows what happened in the show, just all from leytons POV. If I continue it, it will stray from what happened on One Tree Hill and be a leyton story. _

_Please review with any thought/comments on the story, and if I should continue it as a Leyton story. _

_thank you_

_**With Tired Souls**_

_PEYTON POV_

As any day, Brooke and I were walking to class together from where Brooke had parked in the crowded school parking lot. She had driven me to school today. We often took turns driving each other.

It was a beautiful day, without a cloud in the sky. Everything looked like a picture perfect scene out of a movie: jocks, loners, preps, and other typical high school cliques were scattered around the quad. As usual, a few of the cheerleaders were flirting with the basketball players, some kids sat at the picnic tables hurriedly finishing last nights homework, others were sitting in a group listening to some crap music, one kid was smoking by the busses, and others were simply heading straight into the school for class.

We had a few extra minutes before we had to start heading in, so Brooke and I joined the typical high school scene and sat down at one of the tables to chat.

"What did you get for question 4 on that stupid AP Psych evaluation?" Brooke asked, rustling through her bag trying to find the paper. Once she found it, I glanced back at the sheet.

"Oh, it was B." I sighed absent mindedly as I stared off in no particular direction.

I spotted that kid who had been smoking by the busses. He was now walking quickly into the school with his head down and his hands balled up in his pockets. He was wearing baggy clothes: a large red sweatshirt and blue jeans. I could tell who it was even from across the quad: it was Jimmy Edwards. He was Lucas's friend who'd said all those horrible things on the time capsule.

I understood him. I didn't blame him one bit for what he'd said in that damned tape. He was just scared and confused. He had his demons just like the rest of us, though his seemed like they were taking over.

"Hello? P. Sawyer! Anyone home?" Brooke waved her hand obnoxiously in my face, breaking me from my reverie. "Time to go in…You okay, P?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," I reassured her as we stood and gathered our things. "I just saw that kid from the time capsule, Jimmy Edwards. He looked really shaken up."

"Oh," Brooke sighed in a pitying tone. "Luke told me he got beat up at Tric."

"Mhmm. I feel bad for him, you know? He just wants to fit in." I sighed as we started toward the entrance to the school. It was really bothering me how sad Jimmy looked.

"Yeah… Guess what idea I just had!" Brooke chirped, switching the subject like she always did in uncomfortable situations.

"What?" I cracked a smile as my best friend leapt at me in excitement.

"You, me, and Tutor Girl should have a sleepover. This time without Anna Taggaro and without insulting each other for our mistakes!" She mocked as we walked through the doors and headed down the hall.

"Let's do it!" I laughed.

As we rounded a corner, I turned my head to look where I was going. The scene that unfolded before my eyes was horrific to say the least.

Jimmy Edwards was standing about 30 feet down the hall from where Brooke and I stood about to pass through the glass doors. About 10 feet in front of him, a couple of jocks had destroyed the contents of his locker and were mocking him as he just glared. As they walked toward us, I noticed Jimmy behind them looking so sad

Brooke and I noticed at the exact same time as slowly, ominously, he pulled something out of his pocket and raised it, pointing it straight down the hall in our direction. We reached for each other's hands as we realized-

-It was a gun.

Brooke and I ducked, fearing for our lives as the unbelievably loud bang echoed through the semi-crowded hallway. Everything was in slow motion as mass chaos erupted, students sprinting everywhere, unsure of where to go or what to do. At first, I squeezed my eyes shut and curled up, terrified, but then Mr. turner's voice over the loud speaker saying "code red, code red, this is not a drill…" reminded me that Brooke and I needed to get out of here right now.

I opened my eyes just in time to see a random person hoist Brooke up to her feet before taking off once more. Brooke took off down the hallway, leaving me behind. I tried to stand, but as I attempted to put weight on my left leg, I collapsed. A burning, searing, throbbing, excruciating pain was spreading through my lower leg and causing my muscles to cramp up. I was too afraid to took at it, but I knew I had to get somewhere safe.

Suddenly I was painfully aware of the fact that I was now alone. Abandoned backpacks and papers scattered the empty hallway, giving it an eerie look. As I went to get into a crawling position, I noticed glass everywhere from the broken door. I prayed that glass was what was making my leg hurt so bad. I didn't want Jimmy to be a criminal that shot a 17 year old girl. I didn't want to believe it.

I tried to crawl down the hallway, but my whole leg was gripped in the worst pain I'd ever felt, and it was making each move incredibly difficult. I ended up having to resort to dragging my now crippled led behind me as I crawled. There was blood everywhere and it scared me that it was all coming from me. I crawled in no direction in particular. My mind was blank and I was letting my instincts take over.

I found myself at the large doors of the library. It took all the strength I had to push myself into a sitting position so that I could reach the door handle. I struggled through the door as it repeatedly closed on my already weak body. Once I was through, I caught it with my good leg and let it close softly, as to not give away my location. My blood trail, however, was sure to do that anyway.

I dragged myself down an aisle until I found a secluded, seemingly safe section to hide in. I could only drag myself about five feet in before I collapsed from exhaustion and pain. I laid there for a few moments, trying to gather what had just happened.

It had all happened so incredibly fast. I knew Jimmy had a gun. I knew Jimmy had fired that gun. I knew Brooke had left me, I didn't know if Brooke was safe. I knew I was hurt, I didn't know if I was going to die.

So what now?

The awful pain in my leg was getting worse, and I couldn't stop tiny squeaks and sobs of pain from escaping my mouth. Tears endlessly streamed down my face from pain and terror. I hated that I didn't know what was going on in the now eerily quiet school, and that I didn't know where Brooke was. I wished with my whole heart that I wasn't alone, but amidst the chaos, I doubted anyone would notice that I hadn't made it out. No one was going to come back for me.

I slowly, painfully pushed myself into a sitting position and leaned against the book case, whimpering pathetically as I did so. I glanced down to see the little curved trail my blood had made on the carpet when I sat up. I thought for a frivolous second about how these were my favorite jeans and now they were ruined.

I ran my fingers along the spines of the books behind me, trying to distract myself from the pain and wondering which ones Lucas had read.

I closed my eyes and the pain got worse and worse. By now, I just wanted to die so the pain would end, but a noise from the front of the library caught my attention: it was the gentle click of the door being purposefully closed gently. Now with the thought of the shooter coming to really finish me off, I changed my mind about dying. I wasn't ready.

I cowered on the floor against the shelves, helpless and pathetic as I gazed toward the aisle, waiting for him to come kill me.

When I saw him, at first all my mind registered was that there was someone there, and they were here to kill me. I flinched and sobbed, petrified of being hurt further. But his voice caught my attention and relief flooded through me for a split second.

"Peyton? Hey! Hey, it's me." His perfect voice filled my mind and for a moment I felt the tiniest trickle of hope. He crouched beside me and reached out to touch me.

"OW ow my leg!" I gasped as he accidentally brushed up against me. "I got cut by some glass! Lucas I lost Brooke, I'm sorry!" I sobbed, closing my eyes and cringing.

"She's fine, she's fine." He soothed, placing his hand on my shoulder, "But, uh, okay, you're not. We gotta get you somewhere safe, come on."

"No, I can't- I can't walk, I tried!" I wailed as he started to stand.

"Okay" he mumbled in deep thought.

"No don't leave me please!" I gasped in fear. I was starting to not be able to breathe and I couldn't tell if it was just a panic attack or if I was dying.

"No, look, I'm gonna go block the entrance. We'll just hide, alright?" He held my face in his hands and stared into my eyes. "We'll wait this out, okay? Listen to me, okay? I'm not leaving you Peyton! I won't, okay? I won't!"

He grabbed my hand tight in his and pressed his forehead to mine. "You okay?" He asked. I nodded to him, unable to get another sound out. I tried focusing on my breathing as he went to block the entrance. I selfishly felt better that I wasn't alone, but I was twice as terrified because he was here, in danger too. At least Brooke was safe.

I listened to Lucas's movements as he went to block the library entrance. My nails dug into the thin carpet as continuous throbs of excruciating pain made it hard to stay focused on trying to keep quiet. I just wanted to scream, cry, wail, and sob as loud as I could, but I knew that would surely cause more trouble.

"Lucas!" I panted as he rounded the corner and sunk back to kneel on the floor beside me once more. "God, it hurts so bad." I stuttered, losing control of my breathing once more.

"Hey calm down, it's okay. Lemme get a look at it." He soothingly ran his hand along my head, smoothing my hair. His hand ended at my chin and he turned my head so that I was looking at him. I could barely see him through my own tears.

"You're going to be okay. I promise." I didn't want him to say that. What if he couldn't keep that promise?

Lucas examined the wound on my leg that I had not yet mustered up the nerve to look at yet. He moved the fabric of my pant leg, causing a little choked sob to escape my mouth. "Oh God" I whimpered. The pain was just getting worse and worse, especially now that he was moving it.

"You're bleeding pretty good; we're gonna have to put some pressure on it." Lucas looked into my eyes, and I could see my own fear reflected in his. I knew this wasn't good.

"Lucas, it was your friend," I blurted. I had to tell him. "The one from the time capsule. He had the gun. But he didn't look evil or angry. He just looked scared."

The array of emotions that passed over Lucas's features frightened me: first surprise, then anger, then shock, and fear, then utter sadness. I knew he must've been struggling with this information, and I was so proud of him for how he was handling it. Instead of crying or shutting down, he jumped into action, seemingly pushing this new information out of his mind for the moment.

He pulled off his blue button up shirt and rolled it up. I sobbed and writhed in pain as he tied the makeshift bandage extremely tight around my wound. I still had the question burning in my mind: was it really glass, or was it a bullet?

I felt like I was going to be sick. Nausea spread through my weak body from the searing feeling in my leg. I was suddenly grateful that I had been running late and skipped breakfast this morning.

"Lucas, I don't feel good. I feel like I'm gonna throw up." I whimpered as he finished tying the shirt around my leg.

"I know, Peyt." He sat beside me and glanced at me. "Just breathe. It'll be okay. Just keep talking to me, okay?"

"Mhmm" I mumbled in response.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"Wha- what do you mean?" My voice was weak, but I was fighting hard to avoid vomiting or passing out.

"I mean what happened when he fired the gun?"

"Oh. Um Brooke and I- we were walking to class, and all I saw was Jimmy's locker all messed up, and that jerk Russ had just passed him. Jimmy pulled out the gun, Brooke and I ducked as he fired, and the glass door shattered." I paused my story to catch my breath. I was getting dizzier by the minute and it was becoming harder and harder to breathe because of how weak I felt. I was starting to develop a splitting headache, only adding to my discomfort.

"I looked up and I saw someone help Brooke up, and she just left me. Didn't even look back. And until you got here, I didn't know if she'd made it out."

"She was looking for you when she got out. She was looking around and yelling for you. Peyton she didn't mean to leave you behind. She was so worried about you when she came to me, the first thing out of her mouth was that she'd lost you."

"I wish I was out there with her. I wish we weren't here." My tears started falling faster once more, and I was getting choked up again. As I tensed, the muscles in my leg cramped and the searing pain became prominent in my mind again.

"Me too, Peyton, and we will be soon, okay?"

"In all the crime shows I've ever seen, they send someone in to talk to the shooter, they get him, and everyone else lives happily ever after. Why can't this show be over?"

"Because this is real life." Luke responded in a flat tone.

"I'm scared, Luke."

"I know, me too." He put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a comforting side hug. I didn't want it to stop, but he pulled away too soon.

"Wow, you're freezing." Lucas breathed, taking my hand in both of his.

"My head hurts, and my leg feels like it's gonna fall off."

"I know, just relax. You'll be okay. Just keep talking. Stay awake."

"Hold my hand. Don't let go" I protested as his grip on my hand loosened. "Please don't let go."

"I won't, Peyton." He gazed into my eyes for a few seconds. It was almost as if I could see the old passion still burning behind his eyes. Did he still love me like I loved him?

He looked away nervously and squeezed my hand. I closed my eyes out of pure exhaustion. I just wanted this to end, but at the same time, I didn't want my time with Lucas to end.

"It hurts." My voice cracked from exhaustion.

"Your leg?"

"Everything. Lucas, I wanna go home."

"I know, I know. You'll be home soon."

"Are they gonna make me go to the hospital?"

"I'm not gonna lie, Peyton, you have to go."

"And they're gonna call my dad? God, Luke this isn't fair to him. He's gonna see me in that hospital bed, and he'll remember my mom lying there. I can't do that to him." I gazed up at the ceiling as I spoke. I was so sad for my poor father. He couldn't lose me too.

"I want my daddy…" I felt broken as the words escaped my lips as nothing more than a desperate whisper like that of a lost little girl. "I want my mommy." I closed my eyes as Lucas squeezed my hand. I wanted so desperately to see my mom again. Maybe if Lucas didn't keep his promise, I'd would be able to see her soon.

For a moment I wished to die again. I was in so much pain, physically and emotionally, and I missed my mom every day and I missed my dad but didn't have the heart, or lack thereof, to ask him to stay home. If I died, there would be no more pain, and I would be with my mommy. But those thoughts quickly dissipated as I remembered that my daddy needed me, Brooke needed me, and sometimes Lucas needed me too. It felt like I could barely hold on, and I was only fighting so hard to survive for them.

We sat in silence for a few seconds before he sighed:

"Peyt, you're so brave. I dont know how you do it. You're going to be okay."

"I'm not brave, Luke" I croaked, "I'm just surviving."

I turned my head once more to look at him, and noticed that he was crying. Lucas's Scott was crying, and it wasn't just his broody face, he was actually shedding tears. I hadn't seen him cry since he came to see me after he got out of the hospital and got sick.

"It's not fair, Peyton. It's not fair that all these bad things keep happening to you. It's not fair that Jimmy did this. It's not fair that Jimmy had to feel bad enough to do this. It's not fucking fair!"

Lucas finally removed his hand from mine so that he could wipe away his tears. A little cry of protest escaped my throat at the loss of contact, but I don't think he noticed. I'd never seen Lucas so emotional before and it scared me. Lucas never ever broke down and cried in front of anyone. Maybe he would get upset, but right now he was actually weeping.

"Lucas-" I breathed, just barely a whisper, "it's not fair… but it's all going to be okay… Listen: if I don't make it out of here… I need you… I need you to tell my daddy I love him and that he's going to be okay, and tell Brooke I'm sorry and that she is the best friend I could ever ask for."

"Oh God, Peyton.…" He took my hand once more and I instantly felt safer again. We sat like that for a while, embracing each others' presence.

I was so drained.

"I'm tired, Luke." I whispered. I was Barely able to speak, fatigue weighed me down like a ton of bricks. "Are you tired?"

"Yeah, but you got to stay awake. Talk to me, um- tell me about a good day."

"We had a snow day. Sixth grade, do you remember? It was like this whole other world just came in overnight and took ours away. Brooke, she came over and we made a snowfort… with a tunnel." Lucas and I paused to giggle half heartedly at the old memory.

"And we stayed in there all day. It seemed so safe, like everything was okay. Like everything our world was about to become, maybe we could just stop it and stay little kids for one more day. But then it got cold, kinda like now. They're gonna come now."

"Who?"

"All of them. The reporters and the psychologists and the analysts. And the so-called experts. And they're gonna try and make sense of this. But they're not gonna be able to. And even if we do make it out of here, we're always gonna carry it with us. Its never gonna be the same."

I cried for the millionth time today. This was so sad. There really was no sense to this. My heart ached for Jimmy, and I couldn't imagine how he must have been feeling to decide to do this.

I felt absolutely drained. I knew I wasn't going to be able to stay conscious much longer. I couldn't find the energy to sob anymore. Only whimpers could barely escape my now pale lips.

"It's not glass is it? In my leg?" I peered up at him, already knowing the answer to my question.

"No," he grumbled, "it's a bullet. Now I may have to get you out of here, okay? But nothing will happen to you, I promise."

His deep blue eyes gazed sincerely into mine and made me feel so much safer than we really were. I trusted him with my life.

"You're always saving me…" I breathed, too weak to be any louder. My eyelids were getting heavy, but I was fighting.

"Somebody's got to."

A shiver ran up my spine as I thought of what I was going to say next. I trusted Lucas with my life, but my bleeding was completely out of control, and I honestly believed I was going to die. I gathered as much courage as I could before I decided to leak my biggest secret in a roundabout way:

"If I say I love you right now will you hold it against me? Cause I've lost a lot of blood." I gazed into his eyes for a moment to see that he was smiling. I decided it was now or never. "Come here."

Lucas leaned down, closer to my face. I used every ounce of strength I had left in me to push myself closer to him. I could feel my strength ebbing away with each passing second. I pressed my lips to his, desperate to feel something in these last few moments of consciousness. It was amazing, as always. I felt so safe and secure with him, but I couldn't hold myself up much longer than that second, so I relaxed back against the book case, breaking the kiss I'd been wanting for so long.

"Just in case you can't keep your promise." I sighed as I gazed up at his shocked and worried face.

I lulled my head back so that I was now staring up at the ceiling. With fresh tears rolling down my cheeks, I squeezed my eyes shut and took as deep a breath as I could handle at the moment. I felt Lucas give my hand a gentle squeeze.

I kept my eyes on him for a little while as we sat in silence. I knew it was finally time when my vision started giving weigh, starting to fade around the edges. It became impossible to keep my eyes open any longer, so I let them close. The pain in my leg and the throbbing in my head from blood loss was starting to become numb. I was falling ever so fast in to the abyss of unconsciousness, and I just couldn't fight it anymore. I let it take me.

_LUCAS POV_

This day had gone from bad to worse faster than anything. I couldn't grasp the fact that my friend had shot up the school and hurt my Peyton.

My Peyton.

Did I still love her that way? There was no doubt that I had felt something when she'd kissed me, something was still there between us. I loved Peyton Sawyer as a friend, God I loved her so much. She was second only to Haley in that aspect, and I adored her. Peyton was funny, pretty, and amazing. She was an incredible listener, she was empathetic, and she was real. But did I still love her that way?

I covered my face with my free hand for a moment before taking a deep breath and composing myself once again. I was painfully aware that the girl I had so much history with, and loved so much was bleeding out beside me, her breathing was getting shallower and shallower with each passing moment. I was terrified that I wasn't going to be able to keep my promise. She needed to live: I had promised Mr. Sawyer a long time ago that I was going to keep her safe, and I couldn't let him down. I couldn't let her down. I wanted to be able to figure out my feelings for her, and I was scared that I wasn't going to have that time.

As I was mulling over my thoughts, I felt Peyton's head roll over and rest heavily on my shoulder. I glanced over to find that she was completely limp.

"Peyt? Peyton, come on, wake up. You gotta stay awake for me okay? Come on, wake up!"

No response. It was time to go, whether she wanted to wait for the cops or not, I was getting her out of here.

I scooped her tiny frame into my arms and stood, nervously looking around. She was so light, it actually made me worry about her health, other than the obvious immediate issue. I carried her toward the blocked exit with ease, and settled her gently into a nearby chair so that I could push away the cart I had put there just an hour and a half before as a barrier.

Once it was gone, I knelt beside her and took her wrist in my hand to feel her pulse. It scared me: it was very fast and feeble. She didn't have long, I had to get her out now.

I picked her up and held her for a second, treasuring the feeling of her in my arms.

"Got ya" I breathed as I advanced toward the door and pushed it open to the cold hallways, unsure of what lie within them. I cursed myself when I remembered that the library door always slammed.

I flinched when the loud bang from the door echoed through the hallway. As silent as it was in the school today, it was certain that everyone had heard it, including Jimmy.

I immediately stared on my way through the empty hallways, stepping over abandoned backpacks and trying to avoid slipping on the papers strewn all over the place. It wasn't long before we reached the broken glass door. Peyton's blood still stained the floor, not yet dried; a reminder that it hadn't been as long as it felt. It had only been about an hour and a half, though it felt like and eternity.

I had just pushed open the door and backed through it, shielding Peyton from any potential falling glass, when I heard the last voice I wanted to hear.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?" Jimmy had the gun pointing directly at us. Peyton was right, he looked scared.

"She's bleeding…" I gazed at my once close friend in complete disbelief. How could this be happening?

"THE SCHOOL IS ON LOCKDOWN!" He shouted, shaking the gun at us.

"I know Jim." I paused to collect myself. "But if I don't get her out of here, she's gonna die."

Jimmy's expression changed to a mixture of distress, guilt, and fear: "I didn't mean to hurt her…"

"We know that, Jim."

Jimmy and I both jumped at the sound of Keith's voice, as he unexpectedly appeared from the side door. My grip on Peyton tightened, this newcomer creating more stress in the situation.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? THE SCHOOL IS ON LOCKDOWN!" Jimmy yelled frantically.

"Please, Jimmy," Keith began, "just… please just let them go… You and I can talk about this. She's hurt, Jim."

"I didn't mean it." Jimmy whined, his eyes flicking back to Peyton, still lying limp in my arms.

"I know." Keith tilted his head toward me, keeping his eyes locked on Jimmy. "Go on, Luke."

We inched closer to the door as a group, Keith, and me, with Peyton in my arms. Freedom was so close, but Keith had stopped walking.

"Keith-" I pleaded, I didn't want to leave him.

"Luke," Keith sighed, "I love you, now go."

I glanced between Keith who looked strong and fearless as ever, then to Jimmy, who trembled in fear, before I continued through the door and out of the school, straight toward the waiting SWAT team.

One of them took Peyton from me as another instructed me to lie down. I never took my eyes off of her as they patted me down and barked questions at me. I noticed my mom and Brooke standing near one of the ambulances. Brooke's face crumpled when she saw the SWAT member lay Peyton onto a gurney. The EMTs surrounded Peyton and whisked her into the ambulance and immediately drove off, lights and sirens blaring. I wanted to be with her so badly, and I felt like a piece of me was with her in that ambulance as it drove away.

Brooke's expression was heartbroken. Her face showed complete horror and guilt as she stared off blankly at nothing as tears poured from her eyes. I stood, now free from the invasive SWAT team and headed slowly toward Karen and Brooke. I hugged them without a word. It was a few moments before Brooke looked up and me with distress plastered all over her face.

"Brooke," I began hesitantly, "Go… Go see her. Larry is out of town, she has no one. She needs you."

"But Lucas-"

"No Brooke. Go see her now."

Brooke nodded nervously before hugging Karen and kissing me on the cheek and taking off toward her car. I wanted so desperately to go be with Peyton as well, but I couldn't leave my mom.

Brooke's kiss sparked my mind back to the internal struggle I was trying so desperately to avoid: which girl had my heart? I tried to push that thought to the back of my mind, and turned my attention to my mom, who was nervously glancing between me and the school.

"Is she going to be alright?" My mom asked, slowly and quietly.

I tried to be strong for her, knowing the love of her life was just beyond those stone walls in immediate danger, but my voice was weak as I responded.

"I dont know, Ma. I dont know anything anymore… I think I still love her."

"Oh, Lucas-"

BANG

There was a long pause, everyone held their breath as we stared at the school.

BANG

My mom started to panic, babbling to me about how Keith was taking a long time, and that maybe he'd been shot. I ignored her terrified assumptions until after about 20 agonizing minutes of not knowing what was happening, a police officer approached us with a sullen look on his face.

"I'm sorry to tell you this ma'am: your fiancé, Keith Scott, was shot at killed…"

Anything else the officer said fell on deaf ears as my mother collapsed into my arms, awful sobs tearing from her chest as I stared off in complete shock. As I had told Peyton earlier in that library, I had to tell myself:

This is real life.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Please please please let me know if I'm portraying everyone correctly (though I don't think Brooke would actually act this way) and please please please let me know what direction you think this story should go. I want to write something that people enjoy. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. Thank you. **_

I sped away from the school, trying desperately to blink away my tears to see the road. I wanted to see my best friend, but I was so scared and I felt so guilty about leaving her behind, I almost wanted to avoid her. She needed me now, though, and until Larry got to town, I wasn't going to leave her.

Once in the hospital parking lot, I parked as fast as I could and rushed in toward the front desk. I was shaking from the adrenalin pumping through my system.

"Hey, hi," I said hastily, trying to catch the lady's attention, "ma'am I gotta see my best friend. Her dad's out of town, she has no one, I need to see her!"

"Calm down miss. Who's your friend? Is it that Peyton Sawyer girl they just brought in from the school?"

"Yes! Yes that's her."

"She in surgery right now; they're getting the bullet out and trying to stop the bleeding. Go have a seat, I'll let them know you're here so they'll come update you on her condition and let you see her once she's out."

"Thank you, ma'am." I quietly took a seat in the waiting room. I closed my eyes and let the tears fall for a while, praying that my best friend would be okay.

It was probably about two hours before someone came out to talk to me. It was her doctor: a gorgeous 30-something year old man with kind eyes and light blonde hair.

"Are you here for Peyton Sawyer?" He asked in a soothing voice.

"Mhmm. She's my best friend, I'm kinda a stand in as family until her dad gets here."

"Alright. Well, Miss Sawyer lost a lot of blood so we gave her a transfusion. The bullet cut clean through the muscles in her leg, so she'll need some physical therapy for that. She's sedated with heavy pain meds right now, but she should wake up in a few hours. With some PT and lots and lots of rest, she could very easily make a full recovery."

"Can I see her?" I asked nervously. I felt no relief from the doctor's prognosis. I wasn't going to feel better until Peyton was awake.

"Well… we typically don't allow non family at this point…"

"Please, sir? She won't have anyone until her dad gets here tomorrow."

"Alright. Follow me."

"Thank you so much!" I followed him hastily down the long, stark white hallway until we reached Peyton's room.

"Okay. She's right in here. Now it might be a little frightening to see her like this, but all the monitors are just precautionary. She's wrapped up to keep her warm. Let me know if you need anything, ma'am."

"Thank you doctor. And thank you for saving my friend."

As I entered I could only think of how it was my fault she was in such bad condition. I had left her behind. If I had checked to make sure she was behind me, I could've got her out of there sooner and she wouldn't have lost all that blood.

Peyton looked so small in that bed. She had an IV and a heart monitor connected to her with various wires and tubes. There were dark circles under her closed eyes that contrasted sharply against her pale skin. She was wrapped in a crisp hospital sheet and a thick gray blanket; her left leg stuck out, elevated on a pillow, and her foot was covered with a soft yellow hospital sock. There were thick bandages around the top of her calf, a little bit of dark red was soaked through the side. That must've been where she was shot.

I turned my attention away from the depressing sight and looked to her face. I approached her slowly and gently brushed her hair away from her face. She always looked grumpy when she slept, and it made me laugh.

"Hi P. Sawyer. I'm so sorry, buddy." I sat down in the chair next to her bed and rested my hand on her arm. "I dont know how you'll ever forgive me for that. I'm so sorry. God, Peyton I shouldn't have left you there!"

I broke down in tears as I let out my apology. I knew she couldn't hear me, after all, she wasn't comatose, she was only sleeping, and you can't hear people when you're sleeping. I cried and cried, watching her chest rise and fall for a while, thinking about how sorry I was, and how much I just wanted her to wake up. I swore to myself that I'd never take my friendship with her or anyone else for granted again.

A thought sprung to my mind that she would kill me if I didn't take all her make up off, and she slept through the night with it on and ended up breaking out. I would've wanted her to do the same for me, so I shuffled through my bag until I found my makeup wipes. I laughed to myself as I gently wiped her foundation and eye shadow away, and carefully scrubbed at her eyeliner and mascara. She was so pretty without it, and she and Lucas always told me the same thing. It was sad, really, how both Peyton and I- and way too many other girls- had to use it to feel pretty.

"My beautiful best friend…" I whispered as I finished removing it all. I sat back with a sigh and played with a lock of her soft hair. It was crazy how just a few hours earlier I had picked her up from her house and she were having a great morning living the simple life as normal teenage best friends.

It was different now though. I'd left her behind. She'd almost died, and because of that, I felt disgusted with myself, and I felt like I didn't deserve to be there beside her in the hospital. I didn't deserve it, but I did it anyway, because I wasn't going to leave her in a hospital, one of her most hated places, alone.

I resorted to uncovering and holding her hand and resting my head on my arm, leaning on the bed. I resumed my gaze on her, and tried to relax.

It felt like a million years, but it was only an hour later when Lucas emerged into the dim room, looking nervous and sad.

LUCAS POV

Everything was just going by too fast. Keith was gone now, and my mom had locked herself in her bedroom. Since I couldn't get through to her, and sitting alone was just making me cry, I decided to come and see how Peyton was doing and how Brooke was holding up. Neither of them even knew about Keith yet.

I pulled up to the depressing, white building that was the hospital. This place reminded me of the wreck with Keith when my mom had stopped talking to him. That had been a horrible time. It also reminded me of the time Brooke had caught me with Peyton on Peyton's webcam.

Peyton and I had been so close, emotionally intimate, and good together. With the memory of her kiss from just hours ago, I was still struggling with which girl I really loved. Anyone else would say that if I was truly struggling with this then I didn't really love either of them, but it was way more complicated than that.

I slowly made it into the hospital and up to the front desk. The tired-looking receptionist glanced up at me over the rims of her glasses and straightened up with a sigh.

"How can I help you, sweetheart?"

"Uh, my f-friend, Peyton Sawyer? I really need to see her."

"Okay, let me just see- oh sorry honey, no one but family right now. She's out like a light from her pain meds, and since her dad hasn't been here yet, we really don't want a lot of people back there."

"Please, ma'am? We're really close- I carried her out of there. I gotta know how she is."

"Hmm alright," she huffed, reluctantly. "She's in room 1316. One of her friends is with her now."

"Thank you so much!" Without another word, I turned and hurried down the hallway toward Peyton's room. I paused just outside the door, nervously fidgeting for a moment.

The two girls that filled my mind at every moment were just inside, one more than the other, but I didn't want to admit that. I needed to tell Brooke about our kiss, because last time we kept secrets from her, it didn't work out.

I finally knocked lightly on the door before slowly turning the handle and entering. I wasn't ready for this.

Peyton looked so small and weak under all those wires. My Peyton, so small, so broken, yet even in this condition she was still shockingly beautiful. I feared for her, not knowing if she was going to be okay.

Brooke, who was resting her chin on the side of Peyton's bed, looked up at the sound of my entry.

"Lucas-" she breathed.

"Brooke. How is she?"

I walked into the room, and stopped a few feet from the bed, nervous to go any closer.

"She's gonna be okay, Luke." Brooke smiled as tears filled her eyes. "She's going to be okay!" Suddenly, her smile broke, and she burst into sobs.

"Brooke…?" I asked, bewildered by her sudden outburst as she got up and threw her arms around me.

"Oh God, Lucas I just want her to wake up!" She wailed.

"She will, she will." I hushed, awkwardly putting an arm around her as tears filled my eyes. I kept my eyes on Peyton as I hugged Brooke, about to break the horrible news: "Keith won't be waking up, though. We get our Peyton, but we lost Keith."

"Wh-what?"

"Keith was shot. He's dead, Brooke. And Jimmy's dead."

"Oh, Luke- I-"

"No I don't want to talk about it. I just- I had to see her." Brooke made a little surprised squak at my words, and I felt bad; it wast fair to Brooke, but with each passing second, I was drawn more and more to the other girl in the room.

I broke away from Brooke and inched closer to the bed. I exhaustedly collapsed down into the chair Brooke had previously been occupying. I looked over Peyton's pale face. Brooke must've wiped all of Peyton's makeup away, because I noticed that her eyelashes were lighter, and there were slight differences in her face: her cheeks were redder, and her eyelids were bare. I was amazed that she was still stunning without it. I gently stroked her soft cheek with the back of my index finger, finding that she was ice cold.

Brooke had now pulled up another chair beside me, and was watching my every move.

"Lucas, do you love her?" She asked accusingly.

"Of course I do, Brooke. She's my friend-"

"No Lucas. You know what I mean. Are you in love with her?"

I stayed quiet, unsure of my answer.

"Come on, Lucas! Okay. What happened in that school. Just tell me what happened to make you act like this?"

"Nate and I, we found the blood… I went alone to find her in the library. I- I sat with her for a long time, talked to her. She was bleeding so bad- She told me a story, and then she got really dark and sad, and she was scared…She was dying… she- we kissed. Brooke we kissed. I love her Brooke- But I love you too and I don't know how to think, how to feel…"

"Shhh." I was taken aback by her response as she reached over and hugged me. She held me tight to her as I cried. I expected anything but this. Normally, Brooke would be spitting venom and fire telling me how wrong we were to do that to her, but surprisingly, she wasn't trying to kill me or Peyton.

"Lucas," she began quietly, "I don't really know how to react… she's my best friend, but you're my boyfriend and she kissed you. Again."

"She was dying!" I protested, looking Brooke in the eye, afraid for what was going to happen.

"But you love her. Deep down I think I always knew. It's always different with you two… your friendship has always been more, and it hurts me that I'm just now realizing that. But what hurts me more, is that you two keep doing this to me."

"Can we talk about this later? When she wakes up?"

"You can't run away from this, Lucas." Her voice was getting progressively louder and angrier.

"I'm not trying to run away from this, I just think we both have had a really long day and need time to cool down and think."

"Shut up, I'm trying to sleep."

Brooke and I froze, staring at each other in shock from the sound of the weak, scratchy voice coming from the bed.

"Peyton." We spoke at the same time, both rushing toward our friend.

"I'm serious, you two, shut up!" She peeked one eye open and glared at us before squeezing it shut once more.

"Come on, P. Sawyer! You can't just do that to us!" Brooke laughed joyously, happy that her best friend was awake. "Wake up! Tell us how you're feeling!" Brooke squealed, shaking Peyton.

"Get off!" Peyton croaked. "I feel like crap."

"Hey, sleepyhead." I smiled at her and squeezed her arm gently. "How's the leg?"

"It hurts. Really bad." Peyton whimpered, tears coming to her eyes as she finally opened both her eyes to look at us.

"I bet." I sighed and took a seat on the other side of Peyton's bed, Brooke glared at me from her side for a moment before speaking.

"Lucas, can I have a word with Peyton alone, please?"

I nodded and slowly rose. I glanced back at the two girls for a second before I went through the door, to see them both staring after me: Brooke with anger, and Peyton with confusion and sadness.

PEYTON POV

I watched forlornly as Lucas left me. I wanted him to come back. I had only caught the tail end of Brooke and Lucas's conversation, so I had no clue what the status of our love triangle was now.

My leg was aching badly, and I wanted to call in a nurse to give me pain meds. I wanted it to stop.

Brooke looked uncharacteristically nervous as she fidgeted in her seat. I was relieved that she didn't look angry, but I knew our conversation would not be light.

"Hey listen," she began, taking my hand and looking into my eyes. "I am so sorry. I shouldn't have left you there. I thought you were behind me…"

"Brooke, don't…" I protested with my tired voice.

"No, I should have made sure."

"Okay. You're my best friend, and you wanna know what made me feel better when I was trapped in that library? It was knowing that Brooke's okay. You know, my best friend, she's safe!"

"I love you for that, P. Sawyer. But there was something else that made you feel better in that library! My boyfriend. And I guess I can't hold it against him, can I? I mean, the boy I love protected the girl I love. That's the girl that he loves too."

"Brooke-"

"No, we both know it's true!"

"Okay." I put my hands on her shoulders and struggled to sit up, wincing from the searing pain in my leg. "Alright. I want you to listen to me. I care about Lucas, and I always will, but he's insanely in love with you. You know why? So am I. You're my Brooke! I'm not gonna hurt ya again!"

"I don't wanna hurt again, but I am because you already did."

"Wha-" I withdrew my hands from her shoulders as if I'd been burned as she glared at me in anger.

"Don't act dumb, Peyton. You kissed him!"

"Oh God- I'm so sorry, but I thought I was going to die, Brooke! If you were dying, and the one person you can really talk to and relate to was sitting right there, having been sitting there with you in an attempt to save your life, all the while putting himself in danger, wouldn't you go for it? I honestly thought it was going to be my last action, and I figured I might as well 'go big or go home.'"

"Your 'last action' was to betray me? Peyton I don't see how that should make me feel any better about this!"

"Listen, it was not my intention to hurt you from that, Brooke. It was selfish of me, and I know I hurt you and I can't be more sorry about that."

"But I gave you a second chance. You blew it."

"Yeah well if Lucas hadn't come, you wouldn't have got a second chance." I grumbled under my breath.

I was beginning to feel queazy and I didn't want to talk about this anymore. I really just wanted more pain meds to knock me out.

"What was that?" Brooke asked sharply, glaring at me intently.

"Nothing."

"What did you say?!"

"Nothing I didn't mean it!

"UGH!" Brooke leaped to her feet and began pacing. "I dont know what to do, Peyton. You're my best friend and you just keep letting me down and stabbing me in the back! Ugh I just wanna slap you right now!"

"Brooke, I'm sorry! Okay? I know I hurt you, but I wasn't thinking! There's really no excuse for what I did, but I did it and all I can say is that I am sorry."

"Sorry is not enough, Peyton! When are you gonna learn?!"

"Maybe I'm not going to!" I paused for a moment, but I wasn't thinking about what I said next: "I am in love with Lucas, and- and I always will be but I'm trying to hide those feelings for YOU. Maybe I messed up because I didn't have enough blood in my brain or something? But I am in LOVE with him and there is nothing either of us can do to change that. I can't control who I love, Brooke. I'm willing to bury my feelings for Lucas, if that's what you want, but all I can say is that I'm sorry, and I thought you ought to know how I really feel about him."

I was getting queazier and queazier with each passing moment, and I wasn't sure if it was from my medication, or from stress.

Brooke stopped pacing and collapsed back into her chair, looking defeated. When she spoke once more, her voice was so small and broken sounding.

"You know, I think I've always known that you love him. At that party last year, during truth or dare, I told you to show everyone how you felt about him and you kissed him. And you and I both know he loves you back. I mean, if he didn't, he wouldn't have cheated on me with you. It's stupid so I never told him this, but it hurt when he made a picture with you his myspace pic over the summer."

Brooke chuckled humorlessly, while I smiled. I remembered taking that picture:

Luke and I were spending one of the first summer days together on the beach. I had wanted to get in the water and he hadn't, so I'd tricked him to coming to the water' edge with me, then I had sneakily leaped onto his back, and with the incline of the beach, had startled him enough to make him fall right into a wave. That wave had pummeled us into the sand together, causing him to scrape up his knees and elbows, and a large shell to cause a huge scratch on my stomach. We'd somehow ended up entangled together deeper in the water, laughing our asses off.

We splashed each other, dunked each other and, played over/under in the waves for two hours before getting out to dry off. When we'd got back to the blanket, Lucas had declared it a great start to the summer, so, wanting to capture the moment, I'd pulled my camera phone out of my bag and snapped a picture of us smiling together in the sun. It was a great memory.

"You guys spent the whole summer together, didn't you?" Brooke sounded so sad, and it broke my heart that I had hurt her so badly. I nodded, confirming her accusation.

"Must've been nice. I wanted that so bad."

"I'm sorry." I squeaked nervously. "We were the only ones left of our little group here. We were bored."

"No, no. I get it Peyton. I'm just jealous. I don't even know how to feel right now. Umm…" she rose to her feet. "I need to think. I'm gonna go get stuff for you from your house. Don't let Lucas leave you here, I promised Larry you wouldn't be alone."

"Thanks, Brooke" I said quietly, for both her generosity and for not blowing up on me.

"Don't thank me yet." She said ominously before squeezing my hand and leaving.

A nurse ducked in after she'd left and added something to my IV bag. She smiled at me sympathetically before leaving once more.

As the silence crept in, and I had time to think about my discomfort, I glanced around the room, looking for something to throw up in. My nausea was getting worse, and I wouldn't be able to keep it at bay much longer. I spotted a yellow bowl-tray-thing on my bedside table, just out of reach. I stretched as far as I could without hurting my leg, and my fingers just barely brushed the side of the thing. I whimpered in desperation as I stretched and grasped at air.

Finally I got it. I pulled it over to me and positioned it just under my chin, but I couldn't throw up. I began to cry when I realized that the nausea wasn't going away until I did, but I had nothing to throw up. Not even water.

I cried and hiccuped, alone, sick, and afraid. I wondered when a nurse would show up again to end my pain, or when Lucas would come back. I felt so pathetic, needy, and scared. I didn't like feeling this way.

In the silence, I looked around the room. It was dawning on me that I was in a hospital, and the memories of the days spent here while my mother was fighting a losing battle for her life came flooding back to me. Though I knew I was going to be alright, I felt like I was in her place now, in the death bed, and that scared me. I remembered her scratched up face and bruised, broken body lying here in the cold bed, a tube down her throat keeping her alive. I remembered Daddy clinging to me as we sobbed together after he'd had to pull the plug on her when the doctor had told us she was brain dead, and that it was impossible for her to recover. I remembered the ventilator shutting off, and the awful sound of her last breath. I remembered the stale taste of the hospital food.

I retched, my body was trying to vomit, but nothing came. I retched and I sobbed in pain and from the torture of overwhelming sadness. Tears flooded my vision and dampened my cheeks. I did something I hadn't done in a long time: I cried for my mommy. I threw myself back down to the pillows and I cried and cried, and wailed for her to come back and be with me. I needed her to tell me what to do with this whole love triangle, I needed her to sing to me and calm me down like she used to, and I needed her to be here with me and make me feel better. I needed her so bad.

And that's when Lucas came back in.

LUCAS POV

I could faintly hear Peyton crying from down the hall where I was getting an energy drink from the machine. As I hurriedly grabbed my drink from the machine, I heard her scream. I took off full sprint down the hallway, causing a startled nurse to scold me, but I ignored her.

I reached Peyton's room and yanked the door open. I rushed in to find her lying down, crying uncontrollably and shaking with each violent sob. I rushed to her side and, abandoning my drink at the end of the bed, I scooped her into my arms and rocked her. I shushed her and fed her soothing words as she sobbed for her mom over and over. It was absolutely heartbreaking.

I wanted to break down with her, I wanted to scream for Keith to come back. I had to be strong for her, though. I knew it was hard for her to be here, but I had never expected for this to happen. Peyton's emotional breakdowns were normally quiet little wet cries, not these terrifying wails and sobs.

It took only seconds for the wailing to stop, but the silent sobs continued to wrack her body along with the occasional whimper, and still the violent shaking. I continued to shush her until the whimpers stopped. She was still shaking as I tucked her back into her bed. I kissed her forehead and pushed her hair back. I smiled as it bounced back as soon as my hand left it, I always loved her hair.

"Hey gorgeous girl. It's alright." I soothed gently.

She peered up at me sadly as she sniffled. I was still in shock from witnessing her breakdown, and I was trying and failing to come up with words to make her feel better.

"Lucas, I wanna go home." She whispered, clinging to my arm. "I don't like it here."

"I know, Peyton, but you can't leave yet. How's your leg? Should I go get someone?"

"Its better but still bad. I think the nurse gave me pain meds a minute ago. I'm sleepy. I wanna go to sleep, Luke. I'm scared. I wanna go home. Brooke left, I want her to come back. I wanna go home now." She wasn't making sense, just rambling, and I was worried about her.

"What? What are you afraid of? You're gonna be okay. I think the meds are making you paranoid."

"I know. I wanna sleep cause this place is scary and I want it to go away. My leg hurts. I wanna sleep."

"Okay, want me to get a nurse to knock you out with something?" I made a move to get up and leave, but her grip on my arm tightened.

"No! Don't leave me, please!"

I froze. She had used those exact words in the library. I slowly looked back at her pleading, terrified face. I wasn't sure why she was so uncharacteristically afraid and needy. Was it the meds? It was strange to see Peyton Sawyer, the strongest girl I knew, so weak and scared.

"Lucas, no ones told me: what happened after I passed out? Were others in the school? What happened?"

I winced at her questions. She had no idea, and I didn't want to have to tell her when she was already stressed enough, but I did:

"Umm… Nathan, Haley, Mouth, Skills, Rachel and two others were there in the tutor center. That's what Haley said- they're okay, all of them are. Umm… okay, when I brought you out, the door slammed… Jimmy heard it… he found us and got mad. I was so close- so damn close to getting him to let us go, and Keith showed up. He- Jimmy got mad again, but he let us go. Keith could've left with us but he stayed-" Tears had begun to roll down my face as I told the story. A lump was forming in my throat, making it hard to go on.

"He stayed, and he and Jimmy never made it out. Jimmy shot Keith and himself. They're dead, Peyton." I couldn't be strong anymore. I broke down crying, leaning my face in my hands, not wanting her to see me like this.

"Oh Lucas…" I felt movement on the bed beside me, and heard a few squeaks of pain from her movement before I felt her arms around me. "Oh Lucas… Luke I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry."

She was crying again now too. She pulled my head to her chest and held me close, swaying side to side as we cried together, whispering comforting words to me. She was so kind and comforting.

Eventually, she must've been too tired to sit up any longer, because she pulled me down to lie beside her, still holding me close, stroking my hair gently. I felt like a little scared boy again. I just wanted Keith to come back. It was peaceful lying there with her, and after a while, her rhythmic stroking lulled me to sleep.

I dont know how long we stayed like that, but I was jolted back to reality when Brooke entered the room. Upon seeing us, her facial expression became a mix of anger and betrayal. Peyton was still fast asleep as I sat up, and I intended to keep her that way.

"Listen Brooke, it's not what it looks like."

"By Hell it's not!" She hissed, dropping a duffel bag beside the bed. It must've been full of Peyton's stuff.

"No Brooke," I whispered, wanting to keep Peyton asleep. "I told her about Keith, she was comforting me, and we fell asleep."

"Lucas, I'm trying so hard not to hate you two right now, because I really want to be there for both of you, but you're both making this really hard for me."

"Brooke… I'm really sorry."

"I think 'sorry' has been a too common of a word between us three today." She breathed sadly.

"I need her, Brooke, and I want to be there for her, cause I know she's really uncomfortable being here, and I think her anxiety is worse because her dad isn't here yet."

"She does get like that. You know, real anxious and upset when she thinks about her mom. And she's a totally different person when her dad is around."

"Yeah…" I sighed, glancing back down at Peyton's peaceful, sleeping face.

"Lucas, you should go be with your mom." Brooke sighed, catching my attention once more.

"She wouldn't let me in her room before I left, but you're right, I should go check on her- but I promised Peyton I wouldn't leave…"

"She'll be okay, I'll tell her you left to check on your mom, and she'll understand. Remember: she had to got through this too, and she knows what it's like. She had to be there for Larry just like you're going to be there for your mom. Okay? Don't worry, I'm not leaving her alone till Larry gets here."

I nodded sadly and moved forward to hug Brooke, but she stepped aside and glared at me. Her expression then softened and she stepped back toward me and gave me a light hug.

"I'm sorry, Lucas," she breathed in my ear before pulling back. "I just have a lot to consider right now. Please let me know how your mom is, and if either of you need anything. Okay?"

"I get it, and I will, Brooke. Thank you."

"It's gonna be alright." She whispered, patting my shoulder.

I gave her a small smile before heading out the door. I felt like I was leaving both halves of my heart in there. I hated being this torn, but I had to put that in the back of my mind for now. I had to face what I had been trying to escape all day: the grief that would come with this loss.

I was okay. I was far from being able to come to terms with Keith's death, but I was calm, composed. I had let some of my feelings out with Peyton a little whole ago, and I was feeling alright for the moment, but now I had to face my mom, who I knew was going to be an emotional wreck. I wasn't sure if I would be able to hold it together for her. I wish I knew how to handle this.

Peyton knew what this was like. She'd lost a parent before, and she now knew how to get through it. I wished I could talk to her about it, ask her how to deal with it, how to handle my mom, how it was all going to work, but she was passed out once more with Brooke hovering over her now.

Her anxiety attack/emotional breakdown in the hospital room had really scared me. Was I going to be like that years later, triggered by random things that a normal person would ignore? Or was her experience so different that we weren't going to be alike at all? Would she even know answers to the questions I had? I'd have to talk to her if I had the opportunity to visit her again soon. I still felt bad about leaving her, and I was afraid that she would be mad at me for leaving.

When I got to my house, my heart was hammering in my chest. I cautiously approached my mom's bedroom door and knocked softly.

"Mom, I'm home. How you holding up?"

When I received no answer, I turned the knob and found it unlocked. I opened the door to find her sprawled out on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she seemed okay.

"Lucas," she began, snapping out of her trance and sitting up to make room for me to sit beside her. "How's Peyton? Is she okay?"

"She's hurting, Ma, but she's going to be okay. She was really freaked out earlier. I was getting a snack and Brooke left her alone for a few minutes, and when I came back she was so upset. I have never seen her so sad and scared before. She was screaming for her mom, and she was crying. I didn't really know what to do, so I just held her until she stopped. I think being alone in the hospital room scared her."

"Oh the poor baby!" My mom sprung up from her bed and rushed over to pick her coat off a chair and grab her purse. "I should go see her, she needs an adult-"

"Mom" I cut her off, taking her things away and putting them back where they'd been before. "She's sleeping now, and they won't let you see her anyway. Brooke and I were only allowed because we told them that she was all alone until her dad got there and that we were all she had."

"God, Lucas" she was in tears now, just standing there in the middle of her room, looking so sad. "She needs her mom, and you… you need your dad. You need Keith!"

"Mom-"

"It's not fair Lucas! It's not fair that in the blink of an eye, good children like you and Peyton can just- just lose someone so important! At that formal thing last year- she was in the bathroom crying, she missed her mom. I don't want that to be you years from now Lucas. I wish I could spare you that heartache. It's not fair!"

My mom collapsed, sobbing into my arms. I held her, trying to keep from falling apart too, but the tears started falling. We ended up huddled together at the foot of the bed, crying together for a long time.

We both calmed down after a while, and I was surprised when she finally lifted her head sniffling and wiping her eyes, and completely flipped topics:

"So, Lucas. You love her don't you? Peyton? At the school today you told me you did."

"I dont know right now, Ma. Her and Brooke, I dont know what to do."

"Well. What do you love about Brooke?"

"Wow, um… she's fun, dangerous, so complex but so simple at the same time, and I can do things with her that I would usually never do."

"And what do you love about Peyton?"

"I connect with her. We love the same kind of music, she appreciates my passions, I can relate to her, she's easy to be around, and I enjoy just being with her. I feel this kind of… I dont know, need to protect her, you know? Like she's so fragile, and vulnerable, but she's not. I know she can take care of herself, but I just naturally worry about her. I hate that she's always alone, and I just want to be with her all the time."

"Well Lucas, I should remind you that you've had a crush on Peyton since you were 13."

"Yeah… But Brooke… she's just incredible, beautiful, crazy- Brooke isn't perfect, but with her, I have fun."

"But can you say the same thing about Peyton?"

Mom was playing Devil's Advocate, and it was driving me insane, but I liked being able to talk with my mom about these things, and it was distracting both of us from our grief. I thought for a second on her question, finding my mind a jumble of emotions.

"Peyton… yeah, she's gorgeous, amazing, sweet, sassy. She's not perfect either, but I relate to her on a different level. We have fun together in different ways. She's less dangerous, more simple. Brooke and I, we don't talk about things. The times that we really do talk, it's usually after a fight, or when she's upset about some stupid thing I didn't know I'd done wrong. But Peyton and I talk about everything, we support each other. And before I was with Brooke, I used to think that I would be better off with Brooke because Peyton has a lot of issues, but we're such close friends now, that I'm always there for her anyway- and I feel like no matter what, Peyton and I just attract each other. She kissed me- in the library today, she kissed me and told me she loves me. That's why I told you I thought I still loved her. Because I loved hearing that from her- my heart was racing. I love Peyton- but I love Brooke too. I love them both, Mom. They both have things that the other doesn't. I dont know what to do."

"What is your heart saying, Lucas?"

"I- I dont know… I mean, I think… what do you think?"

"Lucas, I think it's very clear what you want. I think You're attached to Brooke because she was your first real relationship and you want to make it work. I know she's… adventurous, and you do fun things with her, example being that very permanent tattoo on your arm. I think that you're in love with Peyton, and you're too afraid to admit it because you've wanted to be with her for so long, but now that you're with Brooke, you're too afraid of change and of the possibility of losing them both."

"So what are you saying I should do?"

"Remember Lucas, this isn't just your decision. There are two, very sweet, very emotionally damaged, and complicated girls that have a say in things too. Brooke may have already decided whether or not she's going to stay with you, assuming she knows about the kiss. And we don't know if Peyton is ready for a relationship. She's been through a lot."

"Do you think she really loves me, or was that kiss just because she was scared?"

"I've seen the way she looks at you. She watches you sometimes at Tric when you're with Brooke, and I can just tell, Lucas, she's in love with you."

"I love her, but you're right. I am scared."

"Well, Lucas, you can wait and see what Brooke has decided when you go see them tomorrow. Will she stay when Larry gets there?"

"I dont know, she said she wasn't leaving Peyton alone until he got there, but I can't picture her leaving her best friend even once he does get there. I mean, her and Peyton are really close, I know Brooke would just worry about her if she left."

"Okay… Well, I have a funeral to start planning tomorrow… but I'll go with you to the hospital in the morning, if you'd like. I think I should see Peyton."

Her tears were beginning to form once again at the mention of the funeral. I wrapped my arms around my mom and hugged her as tight as I could.

"I'm sure she'd like that. And I'll go with you tomorrow to plan, Mom. I need to be there. I need to help."

"Okay" she whispered, beginning to fall apart once more.

After a while, I said goodnight to my mom and headed off to my own room. As I lay there on my bed, I kept thinking about Keith. The events from today whirled like a raging twister in my mind, never letting me rest. I couldn't comprehend why Jimmy had let me, Peyton, and all the tutor center hostages go, but had shot Keith. Had Keith done or said something to set him off? Had there been another shooter in that school?

I couldn't get Peyton off my mind either. I couldn't stop seeing her terrified face or that damned bullet hole in her leg. I just wanted to go back to the hospital and lay beside her instead of here. I wanted to hold her and know that she was safe. I knew she was going to be just fine, but I just couldn't shake the feeling of uneasiness knowing how emotionally unstable she was right now. I wanted to be there if she had another melt down. What if she had nightmares, or flashbacks? What if she was scared? Would Brooke be able to handle her?

My fears were confirmed when my cellphone blared in the middle of the night. I hadn't been sleeping, so I snatched it right up and answered.

"Hello?"

"Lucas- thank God. She wants you. She got sick from the medication, and she's really upset. I think she'd feel better with you here." Brooke sounded exhausted and close to tears. I knew it couldn't refuse them.

"Hold on, Brooke. I'll be right there."

After hanging up, I put on a fresh pair of clothes and hurried down he hall toward my moms room, I knocked on the door, and found her wide awake as I had been. Tears were still dampening her cheeks.

"Ma, I gotta go see Peyton."

"Okay, Lucas. I'm proud of you. You're a good boy; Keith raised you right. I'll come by in the morning."

"Thanks Ma."

The drive to the hospital was agonizingly long, and I may have broken a few laws getting there. I explained and signed in as fast as possible, and jogged to Peyton's room.

The room was dark with only a bedside table lamp for light, the girls were sitting up in the bed, and Brooke was holding her best friend close, rubbing her back. Their eyes were closed, and they both looked exhausted.

"Peyton, Brooke." I spoke as I stood in the doorway. Brooke's eyes snapped open and she breathed a sigh of relief. Peyton only just blinked at me, and exhaustedly leaned against Brooke.

Brooke leaned Peyton back onto the pillows, and quickly ran to me. She gave me a quick hug and thanked me for coming, and tugged me over to the bedside.

Peyton looked sick. She was pale and looked distressed. Her wet cheeks were flushed, adding a splash of color to her pale features, and her body was quivering awfully. Once again Peyton Sawyer looked fragile. I brushed her hair out of her face, and she leaned into my touch.

"Hey, Peyt. You okay?"

"I'm gonna be sick again." She whimpered, making a face.

Brooke rushed to give her a dish and she sat up and waited for it for a few moments, starting to cry. I looked to Brooke for answers, and rubbed Peyton's back as she got sick.

"After you left, she woke up and the doctor wanted her to eat something. He told us that the pain killer and antibiotics might make her nauseous. This has been going on for an hour. She can't stop getting sick, and she can't sleep."

"On the bright side," Peyton whimpered weakly with a tiny smile, "my leg ain't so bad now."

"That's good, P. Sawyer." Brooke handed Peyton a tiny glass of water and sat on the bed beside her. "You're gonna be better in no time."

"Of course you will be." I added, sitting on the edge of the recliner Brooke must've been sleeping in earlier. "And Brooke and I will be with you through it all, okay?" I leaned forward and took her small hand in both of mine.

"Why'd you come, Luke?" Peyton asked quietly, raising her eyebrows.

"Uhh, Brooke said you wanted me here?" I was surprised. Did she not ask for me?

"Umm," Brooke cut in, "I may have made that decision for her."

"What?" Peyton and I both looked to Brooke in surprise.

"Well, you guys are so close and I know you like when Luke's around, Peyton. And he's so sweet and comforting, I figured it would be nice to have you around, Luke."

"I'm glad you called him." Peyton sighed. "Thank you, Brooke."

"Listen, you guys." Brooke began in a defeated tone. "You two have this connection that I will never understand. I- I think you two should be-"

I cut Brooke off, not wanting to go into this so lat at night.

"Listen, we're all exhausted. How about we talk about this in the morning, okay?"

"I wanna sleep." Peyton leaned back on her pillows, in relief from being saved from the conversation, the epitome of exhaustion.

"Alright go to sleep, P. Sawyer. Lucas, you can have that recliner, I'll sleep with her."

I nodded, agreeing with Brooke and leaning back to get comfortable. Brooke switched off the lights and it wasn't long until all three of us were fast asleep.


End file.
